


Announcement

by amazingspaceship



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eloping, M/M, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 05:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17554706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amazingspaceship/pseuds/amazingspaceship
Summary: Dave and Karkat break some important news to their friends and family.





	Announcement

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board NO GODS NO KINGS ONLY FRUITY RUMPUSES.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.

CG: DAVE AND I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.   
CG: SO LISTEN UP.

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.

TG: please hold all questions until the end of the announcement   
CG: YES, PLEASE.

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.  
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo.

EB: can we guess what the announcement is?   
TG: yes   
CG: NO.   
EB: you’re having a baby.   
CG: NO.   
TT: You’ve decided to move to New Finland.   
CG: NO.   
EB: you’re going through troll puberty and have laid eggs in dave’s stomach.   
GG: ewww??   
TG: yes   
CG: NO! WHAT THE FUCK??   
TT: You got married without telling anyone.   
CG: ...   
TG: ...   
TT: What.   
EB: WHAT.   
CG: I WAS PLANNING ON APPROACHING IT MORE DELICATELY, BUT YES.   
CG: DAVE AND I ELOPED. THIS MORNING.   
TG: we will now take questions from the audience   
EB: i have one!   
EB: what the FUCK???   
TT: I suppose congratulations are in order.   
TG: well dont all jump at once   
GG: how did this even happen???   
TG: it was kinda spur of the moment yknow   
CG: I WAS IN COURT THIS MORNING DEALING WITH THAT RESTRAINING ORDER.   
TG: i was there as moral support   
TG: and also to laugh at him   
CG: AND THE JUDGE ASKED US IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE WE WANTED TO DO.   
TG: so i joked that we should get married   
TG: and one thing led to another and then   
TG: boom   
EB: i cant believe you’ve done this.   
GG: i can   
CG: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! SORT OF.   
TG: to be fair we were both pretty out of it   
TG: stayed up all night cuz of   
CG: THE RESTRAINING ORDER THING.   
TG: yup   
TT: Did that ever get resolved, by the way?   
TG: yeah they dropped it   
TG: dude seemed pretty miffed though   
CG: I STILL MAINTAIN THAT I WAS TOTALLY IN THE RIGHT.   
CG: WHY WOULD THEY PUT “ALL YOU CAN EAT” ON THEIR SIGN IF THEY DON’T EVEN MEAN IT!? THAT’S FALSE ADVERTISING.   
TG: you tell em babe

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: K4RK4T, 1M SURPR1S3D!   
GC: 1 3XP3CT TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG FROM D4V3, BUT NOT FROM YOU!   
GC: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 GLOR1OUS 1NST1TUT1ON OF M4RR1AG3?   
TG: the glorious institution of marriage can kiss my ass   
TT: Nice.   
EB: i had so many plans for your wedding!!   
EB: i was going to give an impassioned best man speech about naruto.   
EB: i was going to play ALL THE pranks.   
EB: now i have to wait until vriska’s wedding to do those things. :(   
GC: 1F YOU PULL 4NY OF TH4T SH1T 4T OUR W3DD1NG 1 W1LL R3MOV3 YOUR THUMBS

aeonianCardiograph [AC] responded to memo.

AC: B33 < congrats you two!!!  
TG: thanks dp  
CG: THANKS  
TG: its good to know at least one person isnt mad at me  
AC: B33 < are you kidding me its romantic as fuck!!  
AC: B33 < secretly anointing your love in the efurlasting bonds of human marriage…  
AC: B33 < all thats left is fur the two of you to ride off into the sunset astride a noble steed  
GG: wow  
TG: but i dont own a horse

technicalTrot [TT] responded to memo.

TT: --> That can be rectified   
TG: oh god   
CG: OH GOD.   
TT: --> Dave and Karkat   
TT: --> I was EXTREMELY pleased to hear about your marriage   
TT: --> Just f*cking going nuts over here in sheer e%citement   
TT: --> However I must remind you that eloping is incredibly improper and generally frowned upon by human society   
TG: man why cant you be supportive like davepeta   
TG: or at least silently disappointed like john   
EB: yeah!   
EB: wait   
TT: --> My apologies, I did not mean to upset you   
TT: --> I was merely commenting on the deviant way in which you have acted   
CG: OKAY BUT CONSIDER THIS: I DON’T CARE.

CG banned TT from responding to memo.

CG: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO CRITICIZE OUR LIFE CHOICES?

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.

AG: I don’t see what the 8ig deal is!   
AG: What even is an elope?   
GC: 1TS 4 K1ND OF HUM4N 4NTL3RB34ST, 1 TH1NK

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.

GA: You Are Thinking Of An Antelope  
GA: An Elope Is An Orange Fruit  
TT: That’s a cantaloupe, dear.  
AG: Anyway, if Dave and Karkat want to get secret human fruit married, I don’t see the pro8lem!  
AG: Hey Terezi, may8e we should elope!  
GC: 4R3 YOU JUST S4Y1NG TH4T JUST B3C4US3 YOU W4NT TO G3T OUT OF W3DD1NG PL4NN1NG?  
AG: Nnnnnnnno?  
GC: W3LL TOUGH SH1T  
GC: TH3R3 1S NO FORC3 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 TH4T COULD STOP M3 FROM THROW1NG TH3 MOST G4R1SH, OV3R TH3 TOP HUM4N W3DD1NG 1M4G1N4BL3  
GC: 4ND 1M DR4GG1NG YOU 4LONG W1TH M3  
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4R3 >:]  
EB: anyway, we’re not talking about whether they cantaloupe, we’re talking about whether they shouldaloupe!  
AC: B33 < lmao  
GG: lol  
GC: BOOOOO  
GA: Personally I Am Very Happy For You Both  
GA: Although I Would Have Liked To Attend Your Wedding  
GA: Do You Still Want The Outfits You Commissioned  
TG: oh no dont get us wrong  
TG: were still having a wedding  
CG: WE'VE PUT TOO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT INTO PLANNING THE DAMN THING JUST TO CALL IT OFF NOW.  
TG: it just wont be the official ceremony  
EB: what??  
EB: why didn't you say that earlier??  
TG: we thought itd be funnier this way  
CG: AND IT WAS.  
GC: 1 C4NT B3LI13V3 YOU TWO  
GC: SUCH TR1CK3RY! SUCH D3C31T!  
GC: 1M HON3STLY K1ND OF PROUD! >:,]  
TT: I should have realized you two were leading us on.  
TT: I suppose it's our fault for not asking for clarification earlier.  
TG: yall shouldve known we were still gonna have a party  
TG: like id pass up on opportunity for crocker cake

uranianUmbra [UU] responded to memo.  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo.  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo.

GG: I'm glad to hear that my skills are in such high demand, hoo hoo!   
GG: I will be sure to inform Dad that our services are still required.   
TG: oh hey the mom squad is here   
TG: sup   
TT: Dave.   
TG: what   
TG: theyre the mom squad thats their thing   
TT: Sigh.   
TG: yoooo congrats on ur engagemnet u guys   
TG: *engagement   
UU: yes, congratUlations!! ^u^   
TG: do we gotta call you guys misters vantas-strider from now on   
TG: actually its strider-vantas   
CG: NO, IT'S VANTAS-STRIDER.   
TG: we can arm wrestle for it

golgothasTerror [GT] responded to memo.

GG: Ah, arm wrestling! The pastime of kings!   
GG: I have participated in many a friendly bout in my time! Mostly with robots though.   
GG: What are we talking about?   
CG: JAKE, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU.   
CG: READ THE BACKLOG BEFORE JUMPING INTO A MEMO.

 

timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo.

TT: You can't exactly blame the guy. We do tend to prattle on around here.  
TT: Congrats on the marriage, you two. Way to buck the system.  
TT: I assume everyone was properly scandalized?  
TT: I certainly am.  
UU: i think it’s awfUlly romantic, from a certain point of view!  
AC: B33 < exactly!!  
CG: OK, I THINK THAT’S EVERYONE WE NEEDED TO INFORM, RIGHT?  
CG: OR ALMOST EVERYONE, AT LEAST  
TG: good enough for me  
TG: lets wrap this up  
CG: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONGRATULATIONS, WELL-WISHES, SNIDE COMMENTS, CAT PUNS, ETC.  
CG: OUR WEDDING IS STILL HAPPENING ON THE SAME DAY, JUST DON’T EXPECT A LOT OF EMOTION DURING THE PRONOUNCEMENT. WE GOT THAT ALL OUT OF THE WAY THIS MORNING.  
TG: i will probably still cry a little  
CG: YEAH ME TOO.  
CG: ANYWAY, THAT’S IT. ANNOUNCEMENT OVER.  
CG: ANY LAST MINUTE REMARKS?  
GG: we all love and support you!!  
GG: also dave its your turn to do the dishes today  
TT: Welcome to the marriage club. We have commemorative T-shirts.  
EB: watch naruto  
GC: WH4TS 4 N4RUTO?  
AG: Don’t use up all the marriage 8efore Terezi and I get there!!!  
GA: I Dont Think Thats How Marriage Works  
AG: How would you know??  
GA: Fair Enough  
AC: B33 < watch naruto lol  
UU: congratUlations once again!!  
TG: karkat u still owe me 5 bucks but under th circumstances im willing 2 forgive that  
TG: happy marriage  
TT: What she said.  
GG: Ditto!  
GG: Best of luck, you two! We’re all very happy for you :B  
TG: thanks guys  
CG: YEAH, THANK YOU.  
TG: im gonna go find a horse now  
TG: but seriously thanks for being so cool about this  
GG: of course!!  
TT: We’re your family. And, frankly, we expect these kinda of shenanigans from you by now.  
EB: we’ve always got your back!  
CG: THANKS, JOHN. THAT MEANS A LOT.  
CG: OKAY THAT’S IT. MEMO DONE.

CG banned EB, TT, and 10+ more from responding to memo.

CG: ...   
CG: YOU ALRIGHT?   
TG: yeah   
TG: im fine   
TG: <3   
CG: <3

CG banned TG from responding to memo.  
CG banned himself from responding to memo.

CG closed memo.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on twitter @amzngspcshp. Thanks for reading!


End file.
